Open not Worthy

When I began to focus on my spiritual and emotional growth 25 years ago, I soon realized that a barrier to achieving the life I wanted, was feeling unworthy. On my path I’ve been to counseling, read countless books, journaled, meditated, had silent retreats and been part of a women’s circle. The cumulative effect of my regular spiritual practices, and especially the influence of positive women mentors, has given me tools to manage my sense of unworthiness. 
     Being fed up, was not a step on any spiritual path I’d studied, but in retrospect, it was the first indication I was improving in this area. I became fed up with intimate relationships that drained my energy instead of filling me up; fed up with worrying about money; fed up with thinking about my weight all the time. Maybe we begin to feel worthy when we no longer accept the negativity in our life, and realize we have the power to change it. 
     Once I felt this way, I made a decision to release some of  the negative patterns in my life. This required changes in my outer and inner worlds. I had to release the thoughts that “I’m not lovable”; “I never have enough money”; “My body is ugly and undesirable”. Well, release is probably not the best word, because these thoughts occasionally still occur, but I definitely give them less attention. At the same time I made changes in my outer world, like ending an unhealthy relationship, making smart decisions with budgeting and investments, and making healthy, moderate choices with my diet and exercise. When I let go of what wasn’t serving my highest good, I created an opening, so the things I desired could enter my life. *
     I’d like to say I’ve recovered from unworthiness, but that’s not the case. I am more adept though, at identifying when it’s interfering with my life. I recently dealt with this at a two day training for Reiki. While doing yoga the morning after my first day, I began to cry. I was being taught an ancient and powerful way to heal myself and others, and I felt unworthy of this power. Who was I to have access to this healing energy? Surely I wasn’t good enough, spiritual enough, intuitive enough. 
      In triangle pose. an epiphany came to me. I don’t have to be worthy. I have to be open. This made perfect sense. For Reiki to work, I need to be a clear channel for the healing energy. Focusing on my inadequacies only hinders its flow and my ability to help others. I went to the second day of class with this perspective and felt the energy more intensely, both in my meditations and when practicing Reiki on my classmate. 
    Being open, not worthy, is a succinct way of describing how I released unworthiness in the past. Nothing changed in my bank account or mirror once I began to feel more worthy. The positive changes occurred when I released the ridiculous standards I’d set for myself and was open to the good that was always there in my life. What I wanted was there all the time. What I wanted was there all the time! Even healthy, unconditional love, as that had to start within me before I could manifest it in a relationship. 
     I know these revelations are not new, and I read about them at some point in the past 25 years, but now I understand them with my whole being and not just my intellect. I don’t have the ultimate step by step guide to help you overcome unworthiness and open to what you want in life, but I can share what helps me.     

1. Create consistent spiritual practices. It’s important to take time away from daily life to check in with yourself. Meditation, prayer, journaling, a spiritual community, time alone in nature, and being creative, are some ways to do this.  A busy life can numb your feelings, negative and positive, and these spiritual practices give you the opportunity to access your emotions more readily. You cannot change what you don’t acknowledge.
2. Learn from others. Find books, teachers and mentors who resonate with you and your journey. Surround yourself with people you respect and admire and who are positive influences in your life. Consider counseling for assistance in deconstructing the belief that you’re unworthy.
3. Mindfulness - This practice is in almost every blog I write, because it’s a foundation for good mental health. You have to be mindful of your thoughts and actions so you can identify when you’re sabotaging your self worth with poor choices or negative self talk.  It’s also helpful to catch yourself when you’re feeling open, peaceful, and accepting so you can recreate this in the future. 
4. Be alert to feeling “Fed up”. Frustration with your complaints about the same things is a sign you’re feeling more worthy of a peaceful life. You want your energy to flow in a direction other than complaining and self criticism. This is the time to push outside your comfort zone, make new choices, think new thoughts, deepen your spiritual practices. Be aware of the tendency to retreat into a busy routine, or focusing on making others happy to avoid making changes in your own life. 
5. Release - Being open to receive what you want in life doesn’t occur by gathering things like experience, education, money, material possessions, friends. You naturally open as you release the blocks to what you want, like unhealthy relationships, toxic habits, and self criticism. 

     When we release the pursuit of worthiness, and focus on opening instead, we’re better able to help others. The energy we’ve used to maintain barriers like unnecessary drama, numbing with screen time or substances and self critical thoughts, is now free, and we have more physical, emotional and creative energy to positively impact our world. 
     More than ever, we need to heal ourselves, so we can turn our energy outward, and do our part to heal the world. 
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*I have distilled years of work into several sentences. Each of these topics improved at different times in my life, not all at once.*